I FORGIVE YOU- NOT FORGET! Part I

Hi there Creative Tribe Family!

Life can truly be atypical. It is not often if at all we find that the areas in our lives follow a perfectly linear path. The truth is we will always have questions as we navigate this life and that is why God in all His wisdom provided the road map we are to use. Though the map is there to guide us, we sometimes struggle with interpreting the landmarks. I believe to know how to interpret the map is to spend time at the cartographer’s feet. Still, there are some landmarks we will need help with interpreting and this is where this series is coming in.

LET’S BE HONEST.

For the next couple of articles in this series, I will be exploring real-life scenarios such as love and forgiveness, purpose, purity, dating, marriage, and all the bells and whistles in between. I hope you will keep following the series and share your open honest feedback.

Much Love

-Anita

Let’s Be Honest Series

We start this series with the first topic God laid on my heart to write about: Forgiveness. I will be looking at this topic in two parts simply because I do not want us to be like the seeds that fell upon the stony soil that germinated quickly (emotive response) but dried up because they had no lasting roots. Be open with yourself. Be open with me- for I will be very open as it relates to this series.

Part 1: Forgiveness: What it is not

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18 v 21 & 22

Recently, I erred in my actions towards a family member. Though I apologized for hurting their feelings, I realized the response to my apology and the restoration of the relationship was not swift! Although it has only been approximately 12 hours, it caused me to lose a night’s sleep as I was deeply distressed that “permission” was not granted for my pardon.

Forgiveness is a concept that is one of the pillars on which we build our relationship with God. It is the forgiveness of our sins through the finished work of Jesus on the cross that restored to mankind the opportunity to be in unison with God. Often our views on forgiveness are skewed by a cultural application in that we may believe that forgiveness is only earned or that somehow forgiveness makes you the “bigger man”. That attempt at being the bigger man leads us into proclaiming forgiveness of other's trespasses against us- ONLY SO WE CAN LOOK GOOD TO THOSE LOOKING ON. That being said let us explore three myths of what forgiveness looks like.

First myth: Forgiveness means forgetting.

Forgive and forget it. Right? Wrong! Yes, you read correctly WRONG. Hear me out. Jeremiah 31 v 34 quotes Jehovah saying “And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.” Indeed the Bible says God will never again remember our sins; however, what is meant is that He will never again hold it against us or deal with us according to that sin once He has forgiven us that trespass. Think about it, if God were to forget that we ever sinned it would be completely contrary to the truth of His omniscient quality.

Second myth: Forgiveness means you no longer feel the pain of the offense.

We are humans, we feel various emotions. To believe that forgiveness demands that we do not feel the sting of a betrayal is to ask us to die to our emotions. No wonder so many persons are walking about emotionally dead because they think the only way to stop hurting is to stop feeling. The truth is passionless robots cannot truly love God or the people around them. There was a period in my life where I felt betrayed and I tried covering up the pain. I tried burying it under my work, hiding it behind my smiles, and even try to escape it in sleep. None of these truly worked until I permitted myself to feel- to feel sad, to feel betrayed, hurt, and even to feel angry. I have long since then forgiven however the pain of the betrayal may never fully dissipate but this does not mean I have not forgiven. I no longer treat the person in a manner that says ‘You betrayed me.’ That means no rolling the eyes, no clap backs, no simmering resentment waiting to burst forth as an 'aha' moment if we should ever suspect that the person may be doing us wrong.

Can you relate?

Third Myth: Forgiveness does not mean you make it easy for the offender to hurt you again.

The truth is they may hurt you again. That decision is totally up to them. The safest thing to do is to set rules that govern how you interact and to what extent. As I write, I imagine us whipping out the emotional steel and concrete to erect a barrier around our hearts.

‘I GOTTA SET BOUNDARIES!’

Get this- boundaries are important but maybe try putting a perimeter fence instead of a brick wall. Why you may ask? A perimeter fence acts as a boundary through which only certain things can pass. Add a gate to it and voila! On the other hand, a solid brick wall does two things. It keeps people out, but IT ALSO KEEPS YOU IN. You are isolated from people who truly care, who would want to help and you become a prisoner made of the walls you erected. Setting boundaries does not mean you have failed to sincerely forgive the offender. Forgiveness does not mean you become a passive doormat for their continual sin.

Just before I jump off point please be aware of the “see! You never truly forgave me!” statement that is often laced thick with a hefty serving of guilt-tripping. Love does not aid and abet in the sins of another. Simply put, if I love you, I will not put you in a position to sin repeatedly. After all, love always protects. (1 Corinthians 13 v 7)

There is so much more that can be said about what forgiveness is not however I will stop here for today. Spend some time diving into the road map of God- the B-I-B-L-E. The next article will look at what forgiveness looks like according to God.

Much love