The Invisible Bubble

Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:1-2

I’m sure that all of us have been tired at some point in our lives especially in the last two years. Tired of loss, tired of pain, tired of hurt. And to some extent we have become so numb so immune to it that it reminds me of the movie Bubble Boy. It’s about a boy who was born without an immune system and is forced to live in a sterilized dome.

There are a lot of days that I feel like I’ve put myself in a bubble to avoid everything, going on around me and what the bible has clearly called long suffering. Some days I feel that as a result of trying to protect myself, I've placed the Lord is outside my bubble instead of right beside me. It's not that I am intentionally rejecting Him, but in my attempt to survive, to overcome, to distract myself from my circumstances; somehow I was subconsciously fortifying my bubble and I just didn’t keep talking to God and inadvertently left Him on the outside.

COVID has been a lot, I lost a close co-worker during this time, not to COVID but to feelings of isolation and helplessness and uselessness that rose and drowned out the truth. I’ve had to address, some parts of myself that I’ve been avoiding but which burn-out has made more visible. I’ve been someone who has struggled with depression for many years and it has been during this pandemic that lifting my eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help (Psalm 121:1) has been so important; but the truth is that it’s hard.

Many times, when I pray, when I read my bible, I don’t feel encouragement, connection or deep revelation. I wonder, am I just doing it because it’s what I should be doing, am I just doing it hoping the Lord just magically breathes new life in me? When COVID-19 started, I saw clearly that the Lord was calling his people to be still and just hear his voice and to be in a really intimate place and initially I was forced to slowdown from all the areas of service and spend time with Him.

However, over time, that was replaced with zoom meetings, recordings, editing and not going to bed till 3:00 a.m., only to be back at church by 7:00 a.m. Eventually, because there was a need to adapt in my home church, I went into overdrive in service. A very wise person said recently that if you are constantly seeking God and relying on His strength then you won’t be burnt out using your own. My relationship with God is my responsibility but I also wasn’t feeling a sense of community. I became burnt out because I was doing a lot by myself. I wasn’t getting the opportunity to just be fed and I allowed myself to be tired, overwhelmed and too busy in service to ensure I spent timewith the Lord. When I was finally able to take a step back, there I was, alone in the bubble.

We probably had good intentions when we started making the bubble. But then, the need to protect ourselves became so strong that we forget that we were standing right next to the protector. Today I want to remind you that the Lord is right there and your relationship with Him doesn’t have to be like the movies when the lovers try to touch hands through glass or a wall and all they feel is frustrated and separated. God made our feelings, He made our hearts, He made the desire to be connected even if that means being hurt. I know that my heart is longing to reclaim that connection more than anyone can imagine. I am in a process; I am working on being intentional. The passage says when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher. I must bring myself before my rock, my support and return to love.

Here are some steps that I believe with help you with getting rid of your bubble and getting reconnected.

1. God sees your hurt and He doesn’t want you to run away from him. God sees our actions, our sins and says if you come to Me, I will not despise, I will not reject you. A long time ago, God sent a message to me saying allow myself to be hurt, to feel hurt and when that happens just come find Him. It is still a process but I’m learning it daily.

The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. Psalm 51:17.

2. Be Intentional. What does my intentionality look like? It is taking time to talk to Him about my day, my concerns, the same way I talk to my best friend. It is reading even when I don’t feel like I am connecting or getting anything from the passage. It is a daily surrender of my heart to Him. It is surrounding myself in support and community to pray with me and encourage me. So that I do not have to depend on the bubble.

Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13

3. Hide yourself in the Truth and Block out the lies that say you can’t or you are alone. The bubble can always be made again, it only takes one instance of you acknowledging b of the lies, one decision to not be hurt or willingness to allow the Lord to see my brokenness. The lies of the enemy will always come after you once you are intentional about relationship. Be strong, be encouraged, You can do this, God has given you all you need to overcome. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues. They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause. In return for my love, they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer. Psalm 109:2-4

4. Be Reminded He is ALWAYS with you. One thing that has never happened is even though the bubble is there, neither He nor I have given up or just walked away. He is always right there ready to extend his hand. I need only to keep my eyes fixed on him and consciously tear down pieces of the bubble.

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

To those who are feeling distanced like it is a struggle, I stand with you and I pray for you. Please don’t lose heart, He is patiently waiting, and the fight back is worth it.